Friday Night Video: ~ BEYONCE' - SINGLE LADIES (PUT A RING ON IT) ~

Dating after Divorce; Children a Factor

Dating after Divorce; Children a Factor: MyFoxHOUSTON.com

Dating With Children After Divorce

You are ashamed, you can not decide if you should bring your friend to your home. Here you are, a teenager, being ashamed and doubting if you should introduce your friend to your parents.

What do you most likely experience? Two things – doubting if your loved ones will like your choice. And doubting if this is the right choice for you.

Ok, here you are now, divorced, scared, ashamed and doubting if you want to introduce your new partner to your kids. What do you feel now? Right, most likely you have the same doubts like you did before, introducing your teenage friend to your parents.

This is the main call of this article. Before somebody steps into your life, you shouldn’t doubt whether to invite them in or not. You can not let your children suffer once again if it appears that this is the wrong person. You can not let your children experience a loss all over again. Children may ask, “Did I do something wrong?”

Think twice, check twice before. Make your conclusions carefully before you decide to start dating someone with children or having children by yourself.

There is a proven fact, children of divorce are the ones who suffer from separation most of all. All the emotions that adults experience after divorce plus their kid’s emotions multiplied several times.

Your children after separation are in a more complicated situation than you are. They need much more attention now, like never before. Fragility. Thats the name of that tune.

There are typical conditions of children in divorced families:

• They may secretly be hoping that “mommy and daddy” will get back together again, and will act out ways to accomplish this, i.e. start dating with children again.

• They may be jealous and possessive of the single parent’s love, not wanting to share mom and/or dad with anyone else.

• They may be fearful of losing the single parent. “I lost my dad. Is my mom next?”

• They may not trust any outsiders. That’s why be very cautious starting new dating with children.

• They may upset by their single parent dating. Expressing romantic feelings for someone other than the other parent.

Caring about your children after divorce is not only crucial for them but for you as well. Actually it is blessing for you to have someone to care for and love in this particular moment of your life. It helps a lot not to concentrate on your own emotions and it heals like nothing else.

From any point of view, practical, religious, psychological, caring for somebody who needs care more than you, heals you much faster and effectively.

This topic might be endless and each and every situation should be considered separately. Let me only outline several situations and give some advices which, I do hope, will help you to start dating again having children.

You are divorced. The person who used to live with you is no longer in the house. But you are not alone. Besides friends and relatives your children are with you. They look at you; they do not want to feel emptiness, and you do not want that either. Meet them, talk to them, and spend as much time with them as you can. No matter what – DO NOT FOCUS your kids on what has happened. Focus on what’s happening now. The fun, school, what happened today. It will help them and it will help you adjust to this new life easier.

• Never say bad things about your former spouse to your child. Even if your “ex” was a disgusting person. Your child has a right to love and forgiveness. Don’t take away this right. They will stay father or mother for your kid forever. Don’t cause a trauma to your child leading him to think that he is a child of garbage.

• Do not think that a small child is different from a teenager in accepting your new partner. Kids mostly feel but do not analyzing. And this feeling is impossible to deceive. Again, think carefully before starting to date with children, especially introducing your new partner.

Also if your five year old does not like your choice it is hardly possible they will change their attitude at fourteen. Unless your new partner will change himself. Very rare but sometimes it happens though.

• Before you start dating again try to “socialize” your kid. Spend more time with friends, in good company, so when you start dating your children won’t feel that your date is taking their time with you, but just a normal time going out.

• Let your children know that their relationship with you will not change because you are beginning to date. Being secured and assured in their relationship with you, they are less likely to feel afraid.

• Spend as much time with your children as you can. Spend this time both by yourself and with your new dating partner if you made a decision to introduce him or her to your children. It will tell your kids they are important and that you are paying attention to their needs.

• Listen to your children. Let them express their thoughts and impressions of your new date. It is not only good for them to feel important to you but you can also surprisingly find out some very interesting things about your new partner. A child’s view is free from “adult wisdom”, they see things as they are. And this can be very helpful. Just listen to your kids.

• Do not criticize your children in the presence of your new partner. And don’t allow your date to discipline your kids. Otherwise kids will realize somebody more important came into your life. They will not feel secure.

• Don’t introduce casual dating partners to your children. Children become attached easily and then suffer more loss. Having a revolving door with many short term relationships in your child’s life causes ambivalence. Think which model your child will follow when they grow up.

• Do not force an introduction of your new partner. If you have already decided they are the right person, do not force your children to meet or accept them. Give them time to get to know the new person in your life. If handled correctly, given time, your child will accept the relationship.

Being single with children after divorce is often challenging and exhausting. Another set of challenges appears when it comes to dating with children. It’s easy to be confused as to how to parent and date at the same time. Don’t forget that communication with your child is always the goal no matter the situation.

courtesy: divorcedatingpost.com

Single Parent Dating, When's the Right Time?

I have a child! Is Dating Possible? Is it right for me and my child?

                                                                                                                       

Dating is always like a new life. But what shall we do if our previous relationships make us our own victim?

Previous relationships or an unhappy experience with your partner in the past may construct a negative stereotype which is difficult to overcome now. What is more, you can ruthlessly say, ‘I’ll never have someone else! This is all a faulty conception!’ But your psychic disasters after that negative experience are not the only serious problems you may have. Dating as a teen is a much more difficult and subtle situation. It covers not only your psychic life but also your social life as well plus the times or norms in your surroundings.
What will you do if you have a child after the first marriage (which was like a catastrophe and you do not want to repeat the same mistake)? And if your partner wants their own children? Dating after divorce with children is absolutely new, and you must be ready to accept these rules for dating.

First of all, are you ready to tell your partner about children? Or do you have any fears that you partner can escape knowing about this? Can you twist your life and start a new point? Is it acceptable to start a new life when you have children? Some ladies consider that having a child means that you cannot allow new relations with a new man. Forget this and be yourself. Your child is your soul, your essence. Children are not the labels of your age and your individual negativity. But you must be ready to be very attentive to your baby. In what way your dates can influence a psychic system of your children? And, finally, where can you find time to share it fairly between your partner and your child?
Dating with children is a special kind of dating. Of course, it depends on how old your children are. Dating will take the time you might devote to children.

Dating after divorce with kids demands new rules and obligations. You cannot behave in a way as if you are alone, as if you have never had any family feelings. When dating, you must be wise enough to explain many things to your partner and your children (if they are old enough to accept your viewpoint.)
What is more, sometimes you’ll have to ask your parents or close friends to sit with your baby if possible. Never leave your children alone especially when they are too young. Do not make them feel that they are not important to you or spend more time on someone else. You have to be very polite with your children. On the other hand, if your child is not too young, you must understand that children always want to have all our attention in toto. They need all our life and the entire feeling of love. Or else your life will be like a constant struggle and misunderstanding with the partner and your children.

Sometimes, you cannot explain to your child that you are going out on a date. Your child does not accept this because he or she has already enjoyed the life only having you and nobody else (in cases when children do not know about their other parent due to various reasons. For his or her Ego, it is highly important to have just one person who will give all energy and emotional powers. Your baby is a small energetic system which reacts in a sympathetic way. Children live emotionally and they react naturally. Beware that our mind is just a very egoistic phenomenon: when we do not control it by rationalistic powers in the childhood, we become its victims.

Children are your small family superstars who absorb everything and who want to run the show all the time in your life. Take it easy! And try to explain this to your partner who must also understand the rules of the dating when there are children involved.
You must understand that dating after divorce with children is essential for your life. You cannot say, ‘Stop! Nothing more! I’ve lost the victory!’ But you may have problems with you children for a small period of time. Of course, this time can be extended if you do not find a key to his or her heart. You must demonstrate thatyour child is a part of you and nothing will ruin this unity. You child must be loved. But love is a partnership. And you must explain emotionally, subconsciously that your love is measured by the love of other people and of course your child’s love. When you have this understanding with your children, your dating will be a new starting point to a happy life. In this way dating with children is not a problem at all.

Of course, sometimes we make problems ourselves. We want to believe that having a child means that you cannot ask anyone to sit with your baby. That only you must spend 24 hours a day sharing love and patience with them. Avoid these crucial mistakes! You must rewrite your life. Besides, you cannot live with your child in a constant fear that any new person in your life will be a problem. Family in a traditional way is a unity in diversity between three persons: wife, husband, and a child (or children). You must create and sustain this holistic harmony in your life. Do not be afraid of having a child, as we are supposed to have a children in our life. It is natural for all. Your partner will understand this if he really loves you. And, of course, they will love your child if the truly love you.

Dating with children is like a test for your partner. You must be sure whether they will love your child, whether they understand that this young person is the essential part of your heart. Do not worry about any inconveniences. Be yourself. On the one hand, you must irradiate love. On the other hand, you have to find a new partner for your life. Combine these positions and avoid stereotypes. Dating with children is a good way to find absolutely brilliant partner who will share his days with you and your children. Besides, they too may have a child or two and be in a similar situation as you.

Author: Dmytro Blackbird

~ SUNDAY INSPIRATION ~ In Remembrance of September 11, 2001

September 11, 2001 – a day that will be remembered always. For out of the very worst man was capable of, the very best has been brought forth – through the heroic efforts by firefighters, police and rescue personnel; through the thousands of caring and compassionate volunteers who stepped forward in this time of crisis.

Max Lucado wrote, "We are not as self-centered as we were. We are not as self-reliant as we were." Yes, hearts are pierced, heads are bowed, knees are bent, but united we stand! A glimmer of hope continues to shine through the clouds of darkness and terror.

We read from Psalm 27: "The Lord is my light and my salvation – whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid?…When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall. Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident.…Hear my voice when I call, O Lord; be merciful to me and answer me. My heart says of you, "Seek his face!" Your face, Lord, I will seek.…Teach me your way, O Lord; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors.…I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."

And, we see in New York harbor, Lady Liberty’s torch brightly beaconing hope amid these darkest hours of terror. If we hold to the Lord as our light and our salvation there is no darkness so dark that can dim even the tiniest flicker of faith, hope and freedom.


by Fr. Brian Cavanaugh, TOR