Friday, March 16, 2012
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Rebuilding Trust in a Romantic Relationship
Rebuilding Trust in a Romantic
Relationship
On the pages that follow, we provide specific advice for rebuilding trust in
a close relationship.But, before going over these steps, it helps to understand what's at stake (take me to the steps).
That is, what benefits do people get from having a close, healthy relationship?
For starters, being in a romantic relationship provides many physical benefits – individuals in close relationships live longer and enjoy better health outcomes than people who lack such relationships (see, Berkman and Syme, Sarason and Sarason). This gain is undoubtedly due to the fact that people in close relationships have a built-in emotional and physical support system – someone to care for them and provide comfort in times of need. Not only do people in close relationships live longer, but they report being happier and more satisfied with life than individuals who fail to find a companion (see, Sarason and Sarason).
Second, having a romantic relationship provides many resource benefits. Sharing resources with another person is a great way to get ahead in life. Two people working together can live better than one. When you have someone close to share and trade resources with, you come out ahead (see, Cole & Teboul).
Third, people in romantic relationships receive more social support; that is, having someone who is attentive to your needs and concerns. Having social support translates into many other beneficial outcomes. People who know that someone supports them make better decisions in life with less stress and anxiety (see, Sarason and Sarason).
Fourth, having a companion often makes life more enjoyable. Having someone with whom to share life’s little things, like walking the dog, watching TV, eating meals is important; it enriches the experience itself and people report having a higher overall quality of life when they have someone to share it with (see, Sarason and Sarason).
Fifth, relationships are useful because partners monitor each other’s potentially destructive behavior and make attempts to stop each other from doing things that may be harmful. For example, individuals in close relationships often try to get their romantic partners to quit smoking, drink less, curb their drug use and so on (see, Sarason and Sarason).
Finally, people in romantic relationships have sex more often than single people do. Having sex on a regular basis is important for one’s well-being (see, Regan).
All told, romantic relationships provide enormous benefits to people lucky enough to find someone to love and someone who loves them in return.
On the pages that follow, the specific steps to building trust are discussed followed by readers' comments:
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
Dealing with a Cheating Spouse
Dealing with a Lying and Cheating Spouse
Initially, most people approach the
topic of lying and infidelity somewhat reluctantly - driven by their curiosity
or by a recent, unexpected discovery.
For better or for worse, our romantic relationships are not always as straightforward as we would like them to be. From time to time, our intimate relationships can become complicated and complex - full of contradictions and inconsistencies.
When it comes to love and marriage, people expect a spouse to be completely honest. But, at the same time, everyone values their sense of freedom and privacy. So while romantic partners typically want to please each other, at other times, couples experience competing goals which can make telling the truth more difficult (see, when lovers lie).
As it stands, our close relationships involve a lot of truth telling as well as some dishonesty.
If love was straightforward and unchanging, that would be easy to acknowledge. But, when you take a close look at the nature of love and romance, one thing becomes clear: Love creates both happiness and heartache, opportunities and constraints, joy and sorrow.
For the most part, spouses are considerate, honest and kind (see, healthy relationships). But at the same time, husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends, betray those they love. Deception comes in handy when people want to limit their partner's choices, avoid conflict or punishment, or when people want to influence their partner's behavior.
While it is not uncommon for people to lie and cheat, it is difficult to accept that one's own husband or wife might be doing so (see, cheating spouse). Who hasn't caught a boyfriend or girlfriend lying only to have him or her deny it - "I would never lie to you."
Not only can our close relationships sometimes cause heartache and anxiety, but it's also difficult to discuss lying and cheating out in the open. When you mention the possibility that love and betrayal might go hand-in-hand, people tend to get angry or they become defensive.
We know how disheartening it is to deal with these issues. But, disheartening or not, deception and infidelity are important to understand.
As such, this website provides an opportunity to explore this fundamental, but rarely discussed aspect of our intimate relationships: How to deal with a lying and cheating spouse.
For better or for worse, our romantic relationships are not always as straightforward as we would like them to be. From time to time, our intimate relationships can become complicated and complex - full of contradictions and inconsistencies.
When it comes to love and marriage, people expect a spouse to be completely honest. But, at the same time, everyone values their sense of freedom and privacy. So while romantic partners typically want to please each other, at other times, couples experience competing goals which can make telling the truth more difficult (see, when lovers lie).
As it stands, our close relationships involve a lot of truth telling as well as some dishonesty.
If love was straightforward and unchanging, that would be easy to acknowledge. But, when you take a close look at the nature of love and romance, one thing becomes clear: Love creates both happiness and heartache, opportunities and constraints, joy and sorrow.
For the most part, spouses are considerate, honest and kind (see, healthy relationships). But at the same time, husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends, betray those they love. Deception comes in handy when people want to limit their partner's choices, avoid conflict or punishment, or when people want to influence their partner's behavior.
While it is not uncommon for people to lie and cheat, it is difficult to accept that one's own husband or wife might be doing so (see, cheating spouse). Who hasn't caught a boyfriend or girlfriend lying only to have him or her deny it - "I would never lie to you."
Not only can our close relationships sometimes cause heartache and anxiety, but it's also difficult to discuss lying and cheating out in the open. When you mention the possibility that love and betrayal might go hand-in-hand, people tend to get angry or they become defensive.
We know how disheartening it is to deal with these issues. But, disheartening or not, deception and infidelity are important to understand.
As such, this website provides an opportunity to explore this fundamental, but rarely discussed aspect of our intimate relationships: How to deal with a lying and cheating spouse.
Even in the best of circumstances,
it can be difficult to know what to believe. Many people struggle with their
suspicions and concerns (see - for facts and advice on a cheating husband or a cheating wife).
For example, people often wonder...
For example, people often wonder...
·
Is my husband just being flirtatious or could he
be tempted to cheat?
·
When I ask my wife a question, why doesn't she
look me in the eye?
·
How come my girlfriend doesn't answer her phone?
·
Why is my partner working so late?
·
What's causing my boyfriend be so distant
lately?
Is there an innocent explanation
for everything that happens? Or could you simply be reading too much into
what's going on? The truth is not always easy to discern (see, signs of a cheating spouse).
Actually having to investigate a spouse can quickly turn into a never-ending challenge. More often than not, this happens because a cheating spouse will rarely admit the truth even when confronted with evidence of his or her guilt (see, how to catch a cheating spouse).
Sadly enough, some level of suspicion might actually be warranted from time to time. Research indicates that if you want to look for deception in your own life, the best place to start is close to home. Lovers often lie about their true feelings for each other, the feelings they have for others, their level of commitment, their whereabouts... And people tend to tell their most serious and consequential lies to those they love (see, what lovers lie aboutand secrets lovers keep).
At one extreme, some husbands and wives never plan on being faithful. While millions of other husbands and wives, who never intended to commit infidelity, nevertheless, still end up doing so (calculate how closely your spouse fits the profile of someone who is likely to cheat - infidelity quiz or take our cheating spouse survey).
To make matters more complicated, detecting deception, or infidelity, is never as easy as people think (see, detecting deception). Not only can it be difficult to investigate a spouse, but doing so also raises a host of relational, ethical, and legal concerns - issues which are important to consider beforestarting to monitor a spouse (see, gps cheating spouse).
Actually having to investigate a spouse can quickly turn into a never-ending challenge. More often than not, this happens because a cheating spouse will rarely admit the truth even when confronted with evidence of his or her guilt (see, how to catch a cheating spouse).
Sadly enough, some level of suspicion might actually be warranted from time to time. Research indicates that if you want to look for deception in your own life, the best place to start is close to home. Lovers often lie about their true feelings for each other, the feelings they have for others, their level of commitment, their whereabouts... And people tend to tell their most serious and consequential lies to those they love (see, what lovers lie aboutand secrets lovers keep).
At one extreme, some husbands and wives never plan on being faithful. While millions of other husbands and wives, who never intended to commit infidelity, nevertheless, still end up doing so (calculate how closely your spouse fits the profile of someone who is likely to cheat - infidelity quiz or take our cheating spouse survey).
To make matters more complicated, detecting deception, or infidelity, is never as easy as people think (see, detecting deception). Not only can it be difficult to investigate a spouse, but doing so also raises a host of relational, ethical, and legal concerns - issues which are important to consider beforestarting to monitor a spouse (see, gps cheating spouse).
In any case, most of the lies
lovers tell go undetected because people downplay the risks that a partner
would lie and most people over estimate their ability to spot their partner's
lies (see, tell if a lover is lying).
For the most part, the strategy of "assuming the best" works fairly well, until the day comes when it does not, and with little warning or preparation we have to confront the reality that our close relationships are not exactly what they appear to be.
Eventually, almost everyone will catch a partner in a lie. Often, it amounts to uncovering nothing more than catching a spouse telling a small, white lie. Of course, sometimes it also involves something much more serious such as infidelity (see, why men cheat and why women cheat).
When deception is uncovered, even finding out the truth about a small, white lie can lead to problems such as increased suspicion and doubt. If your spouse is willing to bend the truth about something trivial, what about something that really matters?
When something much more serious is uncovered, people have a difficult time coping with what they have learned and dealing with the fact that someone close to them has betrayed their trust (see, steps for rebuilding trust).
It’s not so much that coming to terms with deception will solve all of the problems that people are going to encounter, but it will certainty help to reduce the stress, anxiety, and uncertainty that occurs when deception comes to light.
For the most part, the strategy of "assuming the best" works fairly well, until the day comes when it does not, and with little warning or preparation we have to confront the reality that our close relationships are not exactly what they appear to be.
Eventually, almost everyone will catch a partner in a lie. Often, it amounts to uncovering nothing more than catching a spouse telling a small, white lie. Of course, sometimes it also involves something much more serious such as infidelity (see, why men cheat and why women cheat).
When deception is uncovered, even finding out the truth about a small, white lie can lead to problems such as increased suspicion and doubt. If your spouse is willing to bend the truth about something trivial, what about something that really matters?
When something much more serious is uncovered, people have a difficult time coping with what they have learned and dealing with the fact that someone close to them has betrayed their trust (see, steps for rebuilding trust).
It’s not so much that coming to terms with deception will solve all of the problems that people are going to encounter, but it will certainty help to reduce the stress, anxiety, and uncertainty that occurs when deception comes to light.
·
how to rebuild trust
·
how to talk about problems
·
advice for saving a relationship after
infidelity counseling resources....
Sunday, March 11, 2012
~ SUNDAY INSPIRATION ~
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