How to Catch a Cheating Spouse
 How can I find out if my husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend is cheating on me?
It can be very difficult to catch a cheating spouse.
Understandably, most people do not know how to investigate a spouse. Tips, resources and advice to help you discover the truth can be found at the bottom of this page (take me there now).
But, if you want to catch a cheater, it often helps to understand the nature of the problem at hand.
Why is it so difficult to catch a cheating husband or wife?
Catching a cheating partner is difficult because cheaters have an unfair advantage when it comes to infidelity. In fact, most infidelity goes undetected, or unproven, because the rules of the game tend to favor those who cheat.
How does this work?
Exploiting Trust
Most people have a strong desire to believe what a partner has to say. Trusting a partner creates a sense of security and comfort. No one really wants to think that a spouse may be lying, especially when it comes to infidelity (see, love is blind).
Rather than assume the worst, it's often easier to believe a "pleasant lie" than to acknowledge an "devastating truth."
In fact, some people work very hard to overlook a spouse's infidelity, because to acknowledge the alternative is much too painful. This helps explain why the spouse is typically the last to know: Because knowing always causes a faithful spouse the most pain.
And cheating spouses take advantage of this. Cheaters often exploit their partner's desire to trust by telling their partners exactly what they want to hear ("I would never cheat on you.").
Signs of a Cheating Partner
Cheating spouses not only exploit their partner’s desire to trust, but there are few hard and fast signs of infidelity.
Cues of infidelity vary widely, from situation to situation, and from relationship to relationship; making it impossible to provide a list of behaviors that is useful with a high degree of accuracy. Though in hindsight, the warnings signs are ALWAYS obvious.
In fact, there are so many "telltale" lists of infidelity cues that it is hard to know what to believe (see, signs of cheating).
Given all the different lists that exist, it helps to keep the following in mind:
Providing a list of the signs of cheating is often counterproductive. First, any given behavior is open to multiple interpretations. Does a spouse's sudden interest in losing weight signal infidelity? Or could it be due to some other reason?
The explanation for any behavior is never as clear-cut as we would like to believe.
Furthermore, looking for signs of infidelity tends to fuels one’s suspicion. For instance, does your spouse clear his or her call log after each call? Dwelling on such matters tends to make people more anxious and suspicious. And the way people generally handle their suspicion ends up helping a cheating spouse.
Suspicion Tends to Help Cheaters
 Suspicion is a very strong emotion and it's difficult to hide. Suspicious individuals tend to signal their doubts by making accusations, acting insecure and anxious, being overly inquisitive, and so on.
And a cheating spouse’s worst fear is getting caught. So, cheating spouses constantly monitor their partners for signs of suspicion. And if a cheating spouse detects suspicion, he/she will adjust his/her behavior to better hide and conceal the affair.
Simply speaking, suspicion tends to help cheaters cheat more effectively. If your spouse is cheating, and you signal your doubts and suspicions, it's going to be much more difficult to discover the truth (see, common mistakes).
When you put it all together, cheaters have the advantage: Both, trust and suspicion, tend to work in their favor.
So, how can you catch a cheating spouse?
If you suspect infidelity, do not confront your spouse until you have proof.
And while it is helpful to talk to partners about most relationship problems, this is NOT the case when it comes to infidelity. A cheating spouse will almost never admit to infidelity, unless presented with evidence to the contrary.
Even when presented with evidence, some spouses continue to lie (see,husband won't confess).
Along the same line, while there are many tactics that you can use to get a partner to be more truthful, these tactics fail to work when it comes to infidelity.
Despite these problems, there are several practical methods for catching a cheating spouse.
All of these methods rely on some form of surveillance and careful observation. And while these methods can raise some ethical issues (see, is it ethical to spy on a spouse), they also tend to be very effective.
These methods allow you to establish proof of an affair. No matter what your situation might be, there is most likely a way to discover the truth. |
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