Friday, March 30, 2012
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Should I Date While I Am Separated From My Spouse?
SHOULD I DATE WHILE I AM SEPARATED FROM MY SPOUSE?
“Should I date while I am separated?” How many times have I heard that question? And, how many times have I given a hard answer? “If you are not free to marry, you are not free to date!” I first read that statement in Britton Wood’s book, Singles Want to Be the Church, Too. Mr. Wood has worked with singles and separated persons longer than anyone in his denomination.
After several years of counseling the separated, I am more convinced than ever that Britton Wood is right. When you start dating someone else while you are separated, you make reconciliation more difficult. The more you date, the muddier the water becomes.
I know that you have needs; you are lonely. Sometimes the load seems unbearable. I know that dating while separated is accepted, even encouraged, in our society. But most of those who are dating will never be reconciled. They will be divorced.
Dating is a prelude to remarriage, not therapy for reconciliation. Certainly you need friends. You need a listening ear. You need people who care and help bear the load, but the dating context is not the best place to find such help.
You are extremely vulnerable during these days of separation. Unfortunately there are those of the opposite sex who would like to take advantage of your vulnerability. Although pretending to be concerned about you, there are busy satisfying their own desires.
I have seen many men and women devastated by such an experience. Your own emotions are erratic, and it would be easy for you to get infatuated with anyone who treats you with dignity, respect, and warmth.
Have you noticed the number of people who get married the day after they are divorced? Obviously they have been dating during separation. If the separation period is a time to seek reconciliation, why spend energy in an activity that leads to divorce and remarriage? Separation is not tantamount to divorce. We are still married while we are separated, and we ought to so live, whether or not our spouse complies.
I know this is difficult to accept, but I believe the present trend of open dating immediately after separation must be deterred. Such activity encourages and contributes to the increasing divorce rate.
If you believe in the power of human choice, then you must concede that your estranged spouse may well turn from his or her estrangement and seek reconciliation. You want to be prepared for that day if it comes. Dating someone else in not the way to be prepared. Develop friends, but refuse romantic involvement until the fate of your marriage is determined.
The above article comes from the book, Hope For the Separated: Wounded Marriages Can Be Healed
, written by Dr Gary Chapman, published by Moody Publishers. This book deals with the question of dating while separated, how to relate to your children during this time, and ways to improve communication. Assignments are given to encourage growth both as individuals and as a couple. The ultimate value comes not in reading but in applying truth. It’s a practical book for both the separated husband and wife.
, written by Dr Gary Chapman, published by Moody Publishers. This book deals with the question of dating while separated, how to relate to your children during this time, and ways to improve communication. Assignments are given to encourage growth both as individuals and as a couple. The ultimate value comes not in reading but in applying truth. It’s a practical book for both the separated husband and wife.Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
Dating Separated Men
Dating
Separated Men
By Michelle
Powell-Smith on March 30, 2010
Dating comes
with many trials and tribulations, even in the best of circumstances. Whether
you have met a man at the office, the coffee shop or through an on-line dating
site, you might find that many men begin dating while separated, rather than
divorced. Dating separated men brings its own questions, ranging from rebound
relationships to whether they really are done with their previous relationships.
Navigate this sensitive issue with care to protect your heart without missing
out on a great guy.
Significance
Separated can mean a lot of
different things, depending upon the individual and the divorce laws in your
state. In some cases, it might mean "married and looking"; in others,
it's a sign of a long, difficult and drawn-out divorce. In any case, it does
mean that he still has unfinished business with a past relationship, but the
impact of that can vary.
Identification
How can you tell if the
separated man you're dating really is separated--and, moreover, if he really is
ready for a new relationship? First, look at the evidence. If you have his home
phone number, have been to his house and the separation is legal and on paper,
it's further along. Men who seem to be hiding something probably are. Identifying
whether he is on the rebound is more difficult. It takes time to heal from a
broken relationship, and most people aren't ready for new relationships before
the ink is dry on the divorce papers.
Time
Frame
Some states require substantial
waiting periods for a divorce; in other situations, divorces drag on because of
arguments over finances or child custody, or even because of hopes of
reconciliation. If you live in a state with a waiting period, you might feel
comfortable dating a separated man late in the divorce process if it is going
smoothly. If a divorce is taking much longer than is typical, expect drama.
Expectations
Consider what you want out of a
relationship if you are thinking about dating a separated man. If you want a
casual friendship or a friend with benefits, you might be fine with a man who
isn't looking for commitment. On the other hand, if you are looking for a life
partner, a man whose life is in turmoil from a separation or ongoing divorce
proceedings is a poor choice. Go slow, and keep things light until he is in a
better place in his life.
Warning
If you do decide to date a man
before his divorce is final, check the divorce laws in your state. You might
find that he is committing adultery, making the divorce even more difficult and
possibly pulling you into the proceedings. Unfortunately, you also might end up
the rebound, dumped after a short relationship as he sows his wild oats.
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Sunday, March 25, 2012
~ SUNDAY INSPIRATION ~
Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity. ~Henry Van Dyke
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