Friday Night Video: ~ TREY SONGZ - ONE LOVE ~

Affair Proof Marriage

How to Prevent Infidelity

Just because you’re married now does not mean you’re going to stop feeling attracted to other people – or jealous when your spouse’s eye wanders. The important thing is how you and your spouse handle your attractions and jealousies and what you do to prevent infidelity in your marriage.

Although researchers have a hard time getting people to be honest about infidelity and extramarital affairs, studies have shown that about 25 percent of men and 10 to 15 percent of women report having had sex with someone other than their spouse, according tohealthymarriageinfo.org. There have also been separate reports indicating that most infidelity – and divorce – happens before a couple’s seventh wedding anniversary. Whether that’s true or not is difficult to prove. What is certain is that infidelity is among the leading causes of divorce. And newlyweds should take the necessary steps to protect their marriage and prevent infidelity. Here is what you can do to affair-proof your marriage:

Make your marriage your top priority.

Making your marriage your top priority means that your spouse comes before everyone else. Friends and family are important, too, but they should not interfere with your relationship. In other words, if your friend just split up with her boyfriend of two months and wants to hang out with you, but you had plans with your husband, you should tell your friend that you’ll have to talk at some other time. If you’ve spent the last week working late and spending more time with your colleagues at work than you have with your spouse, carve out some family time, shut off your cell phone and computer, and make the most of the moments, hour, day, whatever you could get for your love. Make decisions together and put the needs of your spouse and you above all others.

Set boundaries.

Some people are naturally friendly and/or flirtatious, and this can get them into trouble when they marry. Certain behavior might give others the wrong ideas about your relationship with them, which can cause awkward situations. The last thing a married person should want to do is send signals to others that he or she is available or interested in a romantic relationship. Become aware of your behavior and change it. Keep working relationships professional, for example, by limiting conversations to work and small talk. Inappropriate behaviors like touching or revealing intimate details of your marriage or sex life should never happen with others, especially those at work. Those kinds of conversations should be reserved for your spouse. You risk stepping over the line when you start sharing intimate thoughts or personal feelings with someone who is not your spouse. Keep in mind that this is true also of strangers you meet on the Internet and not just colleagues or friends you know in your offline life. Your spouse should be the person with whom you share your personal life.

Do not keep secrets from your spouse.

Short of that surprise party you’re planning for your spouse, you should be able to tell him or her anything and everything. If you feel as though you have to lie about where you’ve been, who you’ve been with, or what you’ve been doing, then you know you have stepped over the line into betrayal.

Keeping secrets about what’s happening in your life puts your marriage at serious risk. Even if you’re not having sexual relations outside of the marriage, if your spouse finds out you’re being secretive, he or she will lose confidence and trust in your relationship. He or she will feel betrayed, and this could have grave consequences such as a breakdown in communication. A good rule of thumb is to avoid doing anything that you wouldn’t want your spouse to find out about. Then, always divulge the details of your day to one another. Being honest helps you build trust. (For more information, read “How to Build Trust in Your Marriage”.)

Know the danger zones.

Many people meet lovers at work, and their relationships usually start out innocently and professionally. Since many Americans spend more time with their colleagues than with their spouses, it’s easy to understand how people can slide down the slippery slope from friendship to sexual intimacy in the office. Ultimately, these people drift away from their spouses and begin confiding in their colleagues, to whom they were probably already somewhat physically attracted. Another dangerous situation that can cause temptation is vacations without your spouse and the Internet, where emotional infidelity or cyber sex can cause a rift in your marriage.

The first step is being aware of the temptations lurking in these places. The second is behaving, when you’re in these situations, in a way that shows you are committed to your marriage. For starters, always let people know up front that you are married and committed to your wife or husband and would not want to do anything to harm that relationship. Then, prove to people that you are not looking for anyone else. For instance, if your colleagues ask you to join them at a bar after work, either decline and go home to your spouse or invite your spouse to come along. Use the Internet for research and not to seek out friendships or share intimacies with strangers. And try to avoid situations that could cause temptation to commit adultery.

Change your friendships or cut people out of your life.

You read that correctly. Sometimes, husbands and wives have friends who are members of the opposite sex. That’s okay, but you have to be cautious. And your friendships can only go so far. You can not share the same personal information, emotions, or amount of time with these friends as you do with your spouse. As mentioned earlier, your husband or wife must take priority. Ideally, your friends will become your spouse’s friends and you’ll rarely, if ever, spend time alone with friends who are of the opposite sex. In fact, some married people refrain from meeting up with single friends and colleagues who are of the opposite sex. If you’ve had a friend of the opposite sex for a long time, he or she will have to accept that your friendship has to transition into something less intense and more appropriate after you’ve married. Certainly, if a friend or ex continues to express feelings for you after you’ve explained that you’re married and not interested, then you must cut this person out of your life for the sake of your marriage.

Communicate with your spouse.

Share those intimacies that you are tempted to share with the guy or gal in the cubicle next to yours with your spouse. Be honest with one another about the fact that you’re human, and you are sometimes attracted to other people. Discuss your feelings about this openly. Let your spouse know in a calm way about your jealousy. Without judging one another, you should be able to discuss your feelings about temptations, how to prevent them, and whatever might be lacking in your marriage that could lead you to think about someone else. Then, seek to resolve those problems or fill whatever hole needs filling.

Focus on your love.

Part of making your marriage the top priority in your life is never taking your spouse for granted. That means you have to regularly tell your spouse how you feel about him or her. Show him or her with hugs, kisses, and good deeds. Expect the same in return. Finding happiness and comfort with your spouse will help you from looking outside your marriage for those things. Indeed, loving each other truly and deeply is the closest thing to a cure for infidelity that married couples have.

Infidelity Prevention

What Steps Can Be Taken to Prevent Infidelity?

For starters, many of the things which influence the likelihood that a spouse will cheat are difficult to control (see, likely to cheat).

For instance, it can be difficult to limit how spouses spend their time outside of the relationship – social and work commitments often require spouses to spend a lot of time apart, providing an opportunity for cheating to occur. 

And it can be even more difficult to control a partner’s level of attractiveness or a partner’s willingness to take risks – again, both factors that influence how likely a spouse is to cheat. 

On the other hand, there are a lot of things that you can do to make your current relationship more satisfying (see, healthy relationships). And people who are happily married are less likely to cheat. 

~ SUNDAY INSPIRATION ~

"Forgiving is rediscovering the shining path of peace that at first you thought others took away when they betrayed you". -- Dodinsky